In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan. At least these trains have modern plumbing. Meanwhile back in the 21st century, people are raising their tray tables and putting their seat-backs in an upright position ’cause it’s time to land in San Francisco. I’m hoping once you reap the endorphic rewards of the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, your sour disposition will abate. Leonard: Sheldon, we’ve been on this train 90 seconds, and you’ve already said a thousand words. Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach? On this side, you’ll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you’ll be treated to 350 miles of CostCos, Jiffy Lubes, and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools. Sheldon: Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight, one of the great American trains operating on one of the classic American routes. Raj: Whatever it is, I’m guessing we’re doing it wrong. Sheldon: Socks, one pair, cotton, argyle, blue. Teasing the guys at the Apple store seems a little redundant now.
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Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes, and plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation. Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. Sheldon: I’m simplifying the task of packing for our trip. Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I’m a little busy. Leonard: Hey, we’re all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. Sheldon: Don’t say it like that, Leonard, say it like: we’re taking the train! Three of us voted for airplane, Sheldon voted for train, so we’re taking the train. Seven times as long as flying, and costs almost twice as much.
Sheldon: We’re not flying, we’re taking the train. Penny: Okay, now that I’ve been completely insulted, have a good flight. Penny: It’s kind of a funny name, though, Smoot. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe. Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. The keynote address is being delivered by George Smoot.
Leonard: This conference is kind of a big thing. Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars. There are going to be discussions on bioorganic cellular computer devices, the advancements in multi-threaded task completion, plus a roundtable on the nonequilibrium Green’s function approach to the photoionization process in atoms. Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn. Penny (entering with a pink suitcase): Here you go, Leonard. We’ll just erase the first season of Battlestar. Leonard: Okay, then we won’t touch the hard drive. This little orange sticker is all that stands between us and anarchy. He offers to stand by his equipment, and we in return agree not to violate the integrity of the internal hardware.
The warranty is a sacred covenant we’ve entered into with the manufacturer. Sheldon: But once you open the box, you’ve voided the warranty. Either you let him put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo, or you delete stuff before we go out of town. Howard: Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver.
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